Play dates are a great way for your child to interact with other children, learn to share, build social skills, and most of all, have fun!  But what happens when your overweight child comes home to tell you about the fried Oreos or fast food snack he consumed at his friend’s house?

It is clear that parents often have different styles and ideas concerning food.  But there are ways to ensure your child’s play date doesn’t turn into a day of indulgence.

Here are some helpful hints to having peace-of-mind during play dates.

1)    Have an open conversation with your child.  Discuss the food options he may encounter and help him come up with healthy alternatives.  When served an unhealthy treat, teach him to respectfully say, “No thank you.  May I have an apple or some almonds instead?”  He doesn’t need to tell his friends why he is choosing a healthier food.  If they ask, he can simply say, “I like this better.”  End of discussion.

2)    Talk to the other parents.  You don’t need to go into details but you can mention that your family is trying to eat healthy and avoid junk food and super-sized portions.  By saying your family and not your son, you switch the emphasis from your son’s weight to your entire family’s health.

3)    Give some examples of the types of (easy) snacks that you prefer.  Some parents may not know which snacks are healthy or may simply be unable to come up with healthy ideas.   Choose items that most people have in their kitchens.  You may mention apples or apple slices with peanut butter, bananas, low-fat yogurt, raw veggies, reduced-calorie bread with turkey slices, baked potato chips, and low-fat cheese sticks.  You may find these parents stocking up on these healthy snacks once they see your child eating them.  Everybody’s home may wind up healthier!

4)    Ask the parents to serve your child water instead of juice or soda.

5)    If your child is embarrassed to have you speak to his friend’s mother, simply send your child to the play date with a healthy snack from home.  If your child feels comfortable bringing his own snack, prepare a snack ahead of time so he can enjoy a healthy option without having to explain himself.  He can simply say, “I am just a picky eater so I brought my own.”

6)    Lead by example:  When you are hosting play dates, have a variety of foods for kids to try.  Prepare healthy foods you know your children love and create a friendly environment for their friends to discover new foods.

For example, if you know your child loves red peppers, slice up a few and notice what happens.  Other children will become curious and may end up loving red peppers too.  When kids see a friend eating something and loving it, most often they will try it with on open mind, no force necessary!  They will probably go home and ask Mom to buy their new favorite food… red peppers!

7)    Encourage active play dates to decrease the amount of sedentary time children have throughout the day.  Weather permitting, try to get the kids outside with suggestions such as playing tag, bike riding, shooting hoops or any running-type sport, like soccer.  If it is winter time, try inside games like twister, Wii sport or Wii Fit to keep kids moving.  Sometimes kids just need a little prodding to move away from the TV and towards something active.

Most of all, be open and honest with other parents.  Explain that this is something you are struggling with in your own house and that you would appreciate any help on this matter.  You may be surprised to learn that you are not the only family on the block with the exact same issues!

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First there was the airbrushing of babies in magazines and now parents are starving newborns so they don’t become “fat babies”.  What is this country coming to?

We all know that being overweight is unhealthy and can put a person at risk for medical illness.  Being too thin, however, is also not healthy and often not attainable.  Most of us were not meant to be a size zero.  And those who do manage to starve themselves to this size, wind up regaining the weight.  Yes, there are some people who are naturally skinny and they can be healthy.  But most people really have to work to get (and stay) at that size, often using unhealthy methods.  Society’s obsession with emaciation is leading to many adverse side effects.

Consider the case pending against Brittainy and Samuel Labberton for attempting to starve their newborn daughter to the point of clinical emaciation.  They were much more concerned about the child’s looks than the child’s health!  When the baby gained some (much-needed) weight during a hospitalization, Brittainy complained “’Oh my God, she’s fat’ and ‘I have a fat baby,’” according to Senior Deputy Prosecutor Carol Spoor.  The baby’s dad was not better.  He complained to detectives that his 9-month old daughter had “gained so much weight that now she is fat,” according to court documents.  In fact, during a visitation after she was taken to a foster home, they gave the infant a bottle filled with a laxative to help remove some of the weight gained since the child’s removal from the house.

I see more subtle cases of this in my office, on a regular basis.  I have seen mothers bring in normal-weight teen girls, complaining that they are too heavy.  One mom even forced her daughter to drop her jeans so I could see “how disgusting her huge thighs are”.  These moms are never pleased when I refuse to treat their daughters and instead I tell them that they are “healthy and beautiful.”  Can you imagine what this does to a young girl’s self-image?  My job is to help overweight kids get to a normal body weight, not to help young girls starve themselves to live up to some unrealistic expectation from their mothers!

The truth is that babies, children, and even adults NEED to have some body fat!  The human brain is not fully developed at birth; during the first years of life, fat is used to nourish the brain and allow for proper development.  Kids are supposed to have fat on their bodies, as well.  Unlike adults, children are still growing and need sufficient calories and nutrients to do so.  Even adults need some fat on their bodies.  We were not meant to be stick-thin.  A person considered “normal-weight” by the medical community would be considered enormous by Hollywood standards.  Admiring pin-thin models and celebrities only leads our children to have more self-doubts and lower self-esteem.  Instead of focusing on getting skinny, we should discuss getting healthy.  There is a happy medium.

Children who feel accepted by their parents are more likely to feel secure, do better in school, and simply be happier.  As parents, we must do all we can to nurture a positive sense of self in our children.  Let’s stop obsessing about cellulite and a few extra pounds and instead focus on keeping weight in a healthy range, not too heavy and not too skinny.  As my mom always says, “Everything in Moderation!”

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